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Do prettier wives have happier marriages?
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 7:28 am
Op, If by pretty you mean pretty in deeds and in looks, then yes.
If you mean just looks, then no. Beauty that is skin deep does not make for a better marriage.
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amother




Lilac


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 9:33 am
I think the question is too narrow in that there are so many additional factors that would determine whether a marriage was "happier" or not.

The question of whether prettier people have "happier lives" might be a little more debatable, but again, I think the problem still is one of so many additional factors. Is someone "pretty" with chronic pain going to be "happier" than someone "ugly" with chronic pain? Kinda doubtful. Is someone pretty with chronic pain gonna be happier than someone ugly without chronic pain? The variables are astronomical.

A more accurate question would be more like, "do prettier people have an easier time getting through life?"

In that case, the answer might be yes, prettiness does confer many benefits, but so does wealth, connections, intelligence, good decision making, luck, etc. all which can lead to happiness.

As secular teens, I was the" pretty one" amongst my friends, I suppose measured by the attention I got from boys in general, general feedback, and however you want to argue it. But guess what. I came from a painful home, and married an unkind person who ignores me and makes me feel like nothing. One of my "less pretty" friends is married to a lovely happy guy, and we are both middle-aged now, and the difference in our "prettiness" is pointless and debatable at this point anyway.

So who is happier?
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Mevater




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 1:23 pm
Clearly looks isnt the main factor in the stability of a marriage (or choice of mate).

Look who the richest guy in the world (to the tune of $150+ BILLION), who Im sure had a world of opportunities, left his very pretty wife of 25 years for.

https://pagesix.com/2019/01/10.....-revealed/

Wife:



Mistress (yuck):


Picture resized


Last edited by Mevater on Fri, Jan 11 2019, 1:31 pm; edited 2 times in total
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simba




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 1:27 pm
Mevater wrote:
Clearly looks isnt the main factor in the stability of a marriage (or choice of mate).

Look who the richest guy in the world who Im sure had a world of opportunities, left his very pretty wife of 25 years for.

https://pagesix.com/2019/01/10.....-revealed/

Wife:



Mistress (yuck):


Picture resized


Rolling Laughter Rolling Laughter Rolling Laughter
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amother




Mustard


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 2:33 pm
Is a pretty wife more appealing to see? Yes. Will it make the marriage? Absolutely not.
Shaker Ha'chain Vhevel Hayofi
A good respectful wife makes a better marriage. Isha yiras Hashem Hu Tis'halel.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 2:46 pm
Its also the guys who are looking for the stunning trophy wives who are usually on the self centered side. They do not make good husbands. It was "me and my needs come first" before marriage and its "me and my needs" during the marriage.
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imasoftov




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 12:48 pm
Mevater wrote:
Look who the richest guy in the world (to the tune of $150+ BILLION), who Im sure had a world of opportunities, left his very pretty wife of 25 years for ... yuck

Delete your account.
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Mevater




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:23 pm
imasoftov wrote:
Delete your account.


So he'll be worth a billionth of fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction.......of a penny less?

But yes, personally Id like to see him sink, business wise. Id like to see whether his bimbo would be interested in him if he were broke. Anyone else with me?
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amother




Yellow


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:34 pm
Mevater wrote:
So he'll be worth a billionth of fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction.......of a penny less?

But yes, personally Id like to see him sink, business wise. Id like to see whether his bimbo would be interested in him if he were broke. Anyone else with me?


Honestly, I don’t follow.
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amother




Gold


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:43 pm
I think these answers are responses to a question that wasn't asked. Had the question been:
Do prettier wives guarantee a happy marriage? The answer would be an emphatic no as evidenced by many of the responses and examples in this thread.
Since the question is do pretty wives have happier marriages, I'm going to respond that in a young marriage, spouses often appreciate and enjoy the visual and physical component more so than in their later years. I think it was the tanna rebbe chiya who said that that although in a troubled marriage, was grateful that at least his wife was beautiful and pleasurable to look at.
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 7:39 pm
amother wrote:
I think these answers are responses to a question that wasn't asked. Had the question been:
Do prettier wives guarantee a happy marriage? The answer would be an emphatic no as evidenced by many of the responses and examples in this thread.
Since the question is do pretty wives have happier marriages, I'm going to respond that in a young marriage, spouses often appreciate and enjoy the visual and physical component more so than in their later years. I think it was the tanna rebbe chiya who said that that although in a troubled marriage, was grateful that at least his wife was beautiful and pleasurable to look at.


But you’re response also does not answer the question. Instead it answers the question “Does being pretty enhance a marriage?” Which of course is yes, just like every other positive thing out there, even something as silly as money or whatever.
But the question used the word “happier” which implies “better than”. So if we were to line up every marriage on earth from happiest to least happy and split it right down the middle, we could then compare the “happier”marriages to the lesser happy ones. In that case the question would be, are most of the pretty women on the side of “happier” while most less happy marriage have frumps? I would say not. I would guess there would be an even spattering throughout. The real question is, which common thread do you think would link the happier marriages together?
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amother




Gold


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 7:51 pm
Ravenclaw wrote:
But you’re response also does not answer the question. Instead it answers the question “Does being pretty enhance a marriage?” Which of course is yes, just like every other positive thing out there, even something as silly as money or whatever.
But the question used the word “happier” which implies “better than”. So if we were to line up every marriage on earth from happiest to least happy and split it right down the middle, we could then compare the “happier”marriages to the lesser happy ones. In that case the question would be, are most of the pretty women on the side of “happier” while most less happy marriage have frumps? I would say not. I would guess there would be an even spattering throughout. The real question is, which common thread do you think would link the happier marriages together?



But if you agree that being pretty and attractive has value and is an asset to a marriage, why doesn't it follow that all else being equal, there will be at least slightly more more happy marriages in instances where men are very attracted to their wives?

Obviously there are many components that add to a happy marriage. Some more important such as being kind, considerate and caring, and some less important such as earning a very good living and having a very good sx life. Why should we dismiss the things that aren't necessarily on the very top of the list but still certainly contribute towards a happy marriage?
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 8:18 pm
Maybe what is bothering me here is the emphasis on a pretty wife and a husband being attracted to her, while there is no mention of the importance of a woman finding her husband attractive. Objectification much?
At the end of the day, I believe attraction is not based on societal standards of beauty, but on how you see your spouse. As Ruchel said, pretty turns ugly pretty fast without good middos . Same thing, an average looking person will quickly become beautiful in your eyes if you love them.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 7:02 am
Halacha actually allows divorce if the wife is repulsed and the marital duty is toward her.
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amother




Amethyst


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:44 am
amother wrote:
But if you agree that being pretty and attractive has value and is an asset to a marriage, why doesn't it follow that all else being equal, there will be at least slightly more more happy marriages in instances where men are very attracted to their wives?

Obviously there are many components that add to a happy marriage. Some more important such as being kind, considerate and caring, and some less important such as earning a very good living and having a very good sx life. Why should we dismiss the things that aren't necessarily on the very top of the list but still certainly contribute towards a happy marriage?


-The pretty wife might think she settled for a less attractive, less desirable husband and be unhappy with him.
-The pretty wife might attract lots of men that interfere with the marriage and cause marital problems.
-The husband might also be very attractive and desirable and think he is the catch and not be as appreciative of his wife’s beauty as you might think.
- The husband might be egotistical, have other assets like money that make him think he deserves a pretty wife and might not be as appreciative of her beauty as you might think.
-The husband might be the absent minded type who is oblivious to or doesn’t even recognize his wife’s wardrobe or looks ,doesn’t realize he’s lucky, or care about that.
-The wife might be pretty, but have a terrible personality that ends up torturing the husband and causing him to hate her.
- The husband landed a pretty woman, but he is gay or has some form of ED causing marital issues.
- The couple is completely incompatible in other areas and fight all the time.

As you said, there are lots of other components to a marriage than the wife being attractive and lots that can cause an unhappy marriage whether or not one spouse is rich or beautiful. These are just some simple examples.
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amother




Gold


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:59 am
amother wrote:
-The pretty wife might think she settled for a less attractive, less desirable husband and be unhappy with him.
-The pretty wife might attract lots of men that interfere with the marriage and cause marital problems.
-The husband might also be very attractive and desirable and think he is the catch and not be as appreciative of his wife’s beauty as you might think.
- The husband might be egotistical, have other assets like money that make him think he deserves a pretty wife and might not be as appreciative of her beauty as you might think.
-The husband might be the absent minded type who is oblivious to or doesn’t even recognize his wife’s wardrobe or looks ,doesn’t realize he’s lucky, or care about that.
-The wife might be pretty, but have a terrible personality that ends up torturing the husband and causing him to hate her.
- The husband landed a pretty woman, but he is gay or has some form of ED causing marital issues.
- The couple is completely incompatible in other areas and fight all the time.

As you said, there are lots of other components to a marriage than the wife being attractive and lots that can cause an unhappy marriage whether or not one spouse is rich or beautiful. These are just some simple examples.



Why can't we just call a spade....a spade? Why do we have to darshin everything and turn everything on it's head?
Really a man having a job and parnassah is bad because he might have an affair at work or get into an accident while traveling.
Really having intelligent children is bad. They might grow up and use their smarts to do terrible things. We're better off if they're dumb.
Really having friends is bad. It leads to loshon hara. We're better off being alone we're there's less temptation to speak LH.
And you say the overall it's better not to be an attractive wife because she might attract men's attention, have affairs, have babies, the babies will grow up to become non religious, they will marry non jews......

Please.
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:01 am
amother wrote:
Why can't we just call a spade....a spade? Why do we have to darshin everything and turn everything on it's head?
Really a man having a job and parnassah is bad because he might have an affair at work or get into an accident while traveling.
Really having intelligent children is bad. They might grow up and use their smarts to do terrible things. We're better off if they're dumb.
Really having friends is bad. It leads to loshon hara. We're better off being alone we're there's less temptation to speak LH.
And you say the overall it's better not to be an attractive wife because she might attract men's attention, have affairs, have babies, the babies will grow up to become non religious, they will marry non jews......

Please.


Not turning it on it’s head, but since we are into the semantics of the way the question was phrased... the question wasn’t “does a wife whose husband finds her pretty have a better marriage?” But if “prettier” (I.e. by my or societal standards) women have a happier marriages.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 11:06 am
It doesn't matter, ok? LOL LOL

http://xubux.com/articles/nass.....wives.html
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amother




Amethyst


Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 5:43 pm
amother wrote:
Why can't we just call a spade....a spade? Why do we have to darshin everything and turn everything on it's head?
Really a man having a job and parnassah is bad because he might have an affair at work or get into an accident while traveling.
Really having intelligent children is bad. They might grow up and use their smarts to do terrible things. We're better off if they're dumb.
Really having friends is bad. It leads to loshon hara. We're better off being alone we're there's less temptation to speak LH.
And you say the overall it's better not to be an attractive wife because she might attract men's attention, have affairs, have babies, the babies will grow up to become non religious, they will marry non jews......

Please.


I’m not saying it’s bad to be pretty or rich. I think it is a blessing actually. All I was saying is that it doesn’t equal a happier marriage necessarily. And then I gave examples to back that up. There is lots more to a marriage than a pretty wife and a lot of other things that can have an impact on a marriage.
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