Do prettier wives have happier marriages?

Ruchel

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 4:49 am

amother wrote:

I think it is true that when a husband has a desirable wife, he will put up with more. Desirable people, .in general, have an easier time in life. It is easier to fall in love with a desirable person.

True.
They're also more likely to be preyed upon by crazy narcissists who want a trophy wife.

DVOM

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:27 am

amother wrote:

Do their husbands treat them better? I read a study that promotes this and was wondering what y'all think. In your opinion...

Very interesting premise, OP. I think people with a good sense of self-worth are treated better by those around them. Self-respect engenders respect from others. People with healthy self-respect are less likely to put up with poor treatment from others, including their husbands. Physical beauty though? Na. I don't think it makes people any happier or likely to be happier in a relationship.

That being said, there is something to this. My very tired musings: My gut reaction to the vote was that I'd have to say I'm beautiful and in a very happy marriage. This proves nothing because beauty is so subjective. Am I really beautiful? I have a mushy belly from my four c-sections and tired eyes from a busy life. I think well-loved women feel beautiful and project confidence in their beauty. Feeling beautiful makes me act in ways that project that belief in myself.

amother

Tan

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:41 am

And what does being "pretty" meean?

While in hollywood, it is known that there are a lot of pretty women, are they really pretty?? Not a lot of them. But, many of them have good makeup artists to make them look pretty. The pretty ones are the ones with the good skin...looking pretty without makeup on...which is not as common....

I have two relatives, one whom everyone says is pretty but really looks plain without makeup. With makeup(she is an expert at putting on makeup on herself), she looks georgeous(and did have a hard time finding a guy to marry but they all wanted her). My other relative does not wear makup but is naturally pretty with great skin and big blue eyes....but beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:47 am

amother wrote:

Exactly. Perhaps the inverse is true. Hollywood is arguably filled with the most pretty boys and girls in the world yet is riddled with unsuccessful marriages.

In general, better looking people are more successful. One of the biggest stressor in a marriage is not having money.

I can't speak about politicians and celebrities because their lives and egos are very different, but my real life experience is that prettier put together women have an easier time than non-pretty women.

One would want it to be different on a religious site, but that's not what I observe. More attractive girls have an easier time in shidduchim. They get the best boys. More attractive wives have more attentive husbands.

This is a quote from the article saying they observed the same thing. When a man marries a women who is more attractive than him, he cherishes her.

"....The interesting thing is that those husbands were happier than the other husbands. And those husbands were more helpful. And they were more effective and more positive when helping their wives with their problems."

The converse doesn't seem to be true. When a more attractive man marries a women who is not as attractive as him, he feels he settled.

This article supports my experience: http://newsroom.ucla.edu/stori.....09451

amother

Gold

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:57 am

amother wrote:

If this were true, wouldn't Hollywood be full of successful marriages?

Way to take a question out of context. Nobody would claim that beautiful people ALWAYS have better marriages. The op's question was, does it help. I don't think it's fair to bring Hollywood into the discussion because we are not only talking about beautiful people, but enormously successful people who travel and are on the road alot, and who have people throwing themselves at them 365 days a year. It's a different situation.

As far as the op's question, I'm not really sure. I will say the the Torah itself puts a strong value on a woman's physical beauty by specifically tells us that all ceratain emahos were very attractive. Does this make a marriage better? I think if a husband and wife are physically attracted to each other it could only help.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:59 am

amother wrote:

In general, better looking people are more successful. One of the biggest stressor in a marriage is not having money. ----

"....The interesting thing is that those husbands were happier than the other husbands. And those husbands were more helpful. And they were more effective and more positive when helping their wives with their problems."

The converse doesn't seem to be true. When a more attractive man marries a women who is not as attractive as him, he feels he settled.

This article supports my experience: http://newsroom.ucla.edu/stori.....09451

I think that up to a point attractive women do make more money than unattractive women, UNLESS their supervisor is a woman who feels threatened. If that is the case, your career is doomed unless you switch jobs. You will never get a promotion, and your job reviews will be "average". The frustration from a lack of upward mobility can be a stressor, too.

In my experience, whether men are helpful, kind, positive, etc. is way more tied to middos and upbringing than it is to the partner's physical attributes. I suppose that if the relationship was only based on superficial and zexual things, then yeah, I could see that. But if the relationship is built on love and respect, then all things should be equal.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:33 am

DVOM wrote:

DVOM - I love your reply. I think every woman should cut this out and tape it to her mirror.

crust

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:40 am

amother wrote:

Thanks for the link.
So according to the article, if he is more attractive than her he won't be so invested.

What if a really attractive woman married an even more attractive man? How does he not feel shortchanged? If investing yourself in a relationship depends on looks, how invested will he be if he knows he can still find someone even more beutiful than her?

Do you really think the bolded is true?

I don't want to name names but... I've seen the most beautiful people in the biggest dumps and the most not beautiful ones on the top. Literally.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:40 am

amother wrote:

Men who demand a pretty wife might be more likely to cheat when said pretty wife becomes less so as she ages.

And wives who look pretty in make up only - do they never let their DHs see them without!? That is definitely no basis for a happy or authentic marriage.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:44 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Ideally, I agree with you. Things should be equal, but they are not.

amother

Gold

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:48 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Do you think the Mrs. Trumps are happy?

I always thought that average or less attractive women had better marriages, because the husbands would pick them for who they really are, "warts and all".

I am a formal model, and at 53 I still have a good figure and pretty face. I also have 3 failed marriages.

My mom's weight has always ranged between 250 and 300 pounds, and her marriage was wonderful for almost 50 years. My dad is tall and handsome, and he absolutely adored the socks off of her.

I think I would rather be plain, a bit overweight, and happy, rather than thin, beautiful, and sad.

What do the Trump's have to do with anything? Are you attempting to disprove a general idea by showing an exception? I'll prove to you seatbelts are worthless. Yesterday I took a 3 hour drive without wearing my seatbelt and I'm ok.there, that proves seatbelts are worthless. I'll also prove to you that vaccines are worthless. I don't vaccinate and my kids are fine.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:53 am

crust wrote:

Of course there are unhappy beautiful people. It's not a guarantee.

I definitely know the bold is true in the corporate world.

https://www.psychologytoday.co.....ssful

I got positions I was not qualified for simply because of my looks and then had people bending over backwards to help me.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:01 am

Do I think that people who carve out time for self care, make sure they look put together, work on making their appearance presentable, exercise etc have better marriages then people who let themselves go? Possibly. Only because they value themselves- a prerequisite to a happy marriage.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:05 am

amother wrote:

That's not been my experience. Men mature and become invested in their marriage. They love having a beautiful family and wouldn't risk it. Hashem also makes their eyes not work as well as they did when they were younger. Without glasses, my husband doesn't see wrinkles or any flaws. With them, he doesn't care because he is also older. I don't think they are anymore likely to cheat.

I think the opposite is true. Men who don't have a pretty wife are more likely to desire partners outside of marriage.

My mother was gorgeous, and my father was in awe of her all his days. Objectively, he was good looking also. His opinion that he was the luckiest man never changed. She was always his beautiful bride even a hundred lbs later.

ectomorph

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:09 am

amother wrote:

I think this is key. Self care is under rated.

SuperWify

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:16 am

amother wrote:

I think it’s because the woman who cares for herself is calmer in general and has the strength to care for her family.