S/O do happier (inborn nature) wives have happier marriages?

amother

Amber

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 1:52 pm

Do wives with happier natures (vs more anxious types) generally have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce or be un-happily married? In your opinion and experience...

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 1:56 pm

amother wrote:

Do wives with happier natures (vs more anxious types) generally have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce or be un-happily married? In your opinion and experience...

Happier people in general have happier lives so the answer would almost certainly be yes. I don’t see the point of making this into some drawn out long argumentative thread though.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 1:57 pm

amother wrote:

I have a very happy disposition. Husband has personality disorder. So no...its not happier marriage. But I do make my life as happy as possible

It’s probably a happier marriage than if you had a tendency to be a less happy person.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:01 pm

amother wrote:

Unhappy nature here with a happy marriage. I guess t hey are not negatively correlated.

Ooh interesting. Is your DH a naturally happy person or do you just work well together?

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:34 pm

amother wrote:

Do wives with happier natures (vs more anxious types) generally have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce or be un-happily married? In your opinion and experience...

No. Dh has anger issues plus. It’s a lot of work and pain. I am extremely chilled and happy all the time. There is no connection in my marriage.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:40 pm

Neither dh nor I is particularly upbeat. We have our moods. We are, however, very happy together and have what I think is a successful marriage (25+ years). I don't know many divorced people, and you never know what is going on behind the scenes, so I couldn't tell you what makes a marriage unhappy. But some of the factors that help keep our marriage stable include:
* basic compatibility
* distaste for drama
* communication
* flexibility
* commitment
* respect
Cheerfulness isn't on the list, although a depressed spouse can be hard to live with. While we have our separate interests, we make a point of having shared experiences, especially now that we have an empty nest. Is it a magic formula? I don't think so, but it works for us.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:43 pm

Happy people attract happy energy. Its not a general rule or always accurate. We all have that one friend that you cant be sad around. The one that always smiles, gives compliments and generates a domino effect of her happiness.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:49 pm

amother wrote:

Ooh interesting. Is your DH a naturally happy person or do you just work well together?

Yes, he is a very happy person and a very good partner for me.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:51 pm

I actually do not have that inborn happy nature. I am a pessimistic negative person. Always complaining, etc... (Oy I should be embarrassed to write this). I have a very good marriage bh. My dh is just a mentsch and loves and cares about me. And honestly I am also a mentsch even if im negative about life. I give in and am easygoing bh.
The answer to all these threads of what sort of people have a happy marriage is IMO two nice people who want to give more than they want to get. And who are mentschen.

DVOM

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:52 pm

amother wrote:

Do wives with happier natures (vs more anxious types) generally have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce or be un-happily married? In your opinion and experience...

I don't think so. I have a tendency to anxiety and depression, particularly post-partem. I also have a great capacity to feel joy. My husband has ADHD and frequent migraines. He has recently started treating the migraines psychosomatically, as a form of anxiety. With all this, we have a wonderful, happy marriage and a beautiful family. We love each other and take care of each other.

ectomorph

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:59 pm

amother wrote:

lol. Good summary.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 3:06 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, he is a very happy person and a very good partner for me.

Ah sounds great.I wish I had bagged me one of those. 😉 Mine isn’t like that alas.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 3:08 pm

amother wrote:

How would you classify someone who started out with a happy nature that gets beat down through the negative experiences of her marriage?

I resemble that remark! 😉

thunderstorm

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 3:15 pm

amother wrote:

How would you classify someone who started out with a happy nature that gets beat down through the negative experiences of her marriage?

Unfortunately this is very common. It breaks my heart to see it happen but it does.

amother

Plum

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 3:42 pm

amother wrote:

Do wives with happier natures (vs more anxious types) generally have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce or be un-happily married? In your opinion and experience...

I am by nature intense and driven - the absolute opposite of relaxed and easygoing - and B”H, I couldn’t have a happier marriage. I think people with naturally relaxed and/or easygoing personalities tend to be more cheerful, overall, but there are two partners in a marriage, so the nature of a single partner will not necessarily correlate with the happiness of the marriage. In my case, my husband has a very relaxed, easygoing nature, and he is usually cheerful and optimistic, which balances out my more anxious and pessimistic nature. Fortunately some of his attitude has worn off on me over the years, so while I’ll probably never be easygoing, I definitely have a more positive outlook than I would have, had I never married him. He definitely brings out the best in me (as I think I do in him), and B”H, we couldn’t be happier.

Edited for typo

Mommyg8

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 3:59 pm

amother wrote:

I was a very happy upbeat nature that changed a lot because dh couldn't take the happiness and chilled part of me. Sad

This thread REALLY needs a hug button...