PTA!! | Imamother

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 6:29 pm

If you have a complaint don't wait until PTA to tell me. If you managed until now then continue to manage. If I needed to be involved you should have called.
On that note, I hate when teachers want me to discipline my kid for something that happened in school.
I don't call and tell you to discipline my child when they don't behave at home!
And don't send home incomplete work to be finished for homework (I won't even start on homework!) I don't send my child with the laundry they forgot to put in the hamper.
You're punishing me more than the child!

keym

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 6:46 pm

I agree. Officially according to the "rules" there are supposed to be no surprises at PTA.
Parents should have been informed of all issues in advance. So why am I being surprised?!!

I also hate when teachers act like they have no clue that my kid is in their class.
Hi. I'm keym, Avrumi's mother. Tell me something about him, don't give me a total blank stare.

amother

Mint

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 7:19 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

On that note, from the other side: don’t be surprised by what I’m saying if you don’t read the emails I sent. (Not saying this is you, but a true story from conferences- a parent complained that she should have heard before that her child had a 40% average, but admitted she didn’t read the emails I sent with a record of the child’s grades and missing work).

The idea of sending work home is that it’s a natural consequence of not doing work at school. If this is too much for you, speak to the teacher and say you can’t follow through at home and you prefer they do it at lunch or recess- just be prepared for push back from the child, and don’t blame it on the teacher. And we ask you to also speak to your child (not necessarily punish, but remind) to show them we’re on the same side of wanting the child to act responsibly. If you show apathy towards school and the teachers, your child will too.

amother

Pink

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 8:28 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

I'm no teacher, but this just rubs me wrong. I totally don't get this analogy. This is your child, and the teacher is here to help you. It's not a 50-50 split, where both split the work and each is held responsible for the different parts of your child's character & behaviors. It's your child, and the full responsibility starts and ends with you. The teacher is just here to help you along. Disciplinary issues in school are still your concern, as is irresponsibility or not completing the work.

If the way the teacher is disciplining the child doesn't work for you, pick up the phone & discuss it. It is totally of your concern that your child do what she is supposed to in school. The teacher is NOT a third parent.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 8:43 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Not the case here but I understand your point.
More often than not a child doesn't finish the work because it's too difficult for them. Either the work itself or sitting for so long doing it. Taking away they're free time (recess, lunch, or down time at home) will more often do more harm than good. Said child generally needs some modifications and THAT should be discussed. Not just throwing the work down the child's throat saying do it now or do it later but get it done.
Just to tell you where I'm coming from - I have all types of children. A straight A student with no behavior issues and does all the work on her/his own, a special ed child in a special ed school, and a behavioral child that is struggling. So I have it all. And specifically with the child that's struggling, more often than not the issues arise when a teacher doesn't handle a situation appropriately. The years that there were good teachers we worked together and had successful years. The years with not such good teachers were a disaster.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 8:45 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

I hear you. But often times such a child is difficult at home too (and in my case the school is aware of the situation all around). Adding more stress on the parents and child dynamic is not right. When the teachers and principals work together with the parents thing can be worked out behind the scenes without causing more rifts at home. It takes a wise principal and teacher to make that happen which unfortunately there are too few of.

amother

Pink

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 8:52 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Regardless, the responsibility lies with you. I don't get the analogy of you sending your child to school with laundry she didn't put in the hamper. It's your child, and your responsibility. And what she does in school is still your responsibility, not the teachers.

Of course it is ideal that the teachers and principals and parents all work seamlessly together. But that is not always possible in the frameworks of specific schools. If your approach to the school is placing undue responsibility onto the school, then I can see why more stress is created all the way around.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:05 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

This thread was meant to vent. You don't get my analogy, that's ok. It doesn't have to make sense to everyone.
But I'll try to explain once more. Then I'm done because this is causing more stress than necessary.
A difficult child is often difficult all around. I'm dealing with plenty of disciplinary issues at home. You are in school too. I get that. I'm not sending my discipline to you to deal with because it's not your responsibility. Your discipline is my responsibility TO A POINT! Part of running a school and a classroom is knowing how to handle all different types of children. If one is too difficult for you, seek advice. Either from the parents or professionals. But do NOT send home that child with disciplinary actions and expect the parents to follow through (which they must once you do that because they have to show a united front). Those parents are dealing with plenty without you adding stress. Talk to them. Ask them how/what you can do to help their child and help the situation. And if you can't speak to the parents for whatever reason speak to a professional. Don't assume you know better and make it worse for the child, parents, teacher, and school.

amother

Mint

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:12 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

The key here is the communication. I send home work as a last resort when the parents aren't working with us in helping the child succeed. (we often have this when parents are in denial that their child is struggling and need to see the consequences to believe it). Of course, this is besides the projects that are started in class and finished at home in lieu of other homework assignments, which is a standard practice. And again, if any homework assignment is taking your child more than 20 minutes on a given night, speak to the teacher.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:13 pm

I hate going to parent teachers and hearing my kid is doing great, then getting the report card a few days later and clearly, the dc is not doing so great.

Either the teacher's expectations for my kid are so low that she thinks a C- in a subject is great, or....what?? She was afraid to tell me directly? She was unprepared at PTA and had no clue?

Seems wrong to me in any case.

amother

Pink

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:13 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

I agree with this concept with one main difference. YOU need to be the one doing the talking. YOU need to reach out to them and discuss how you can all make it work. YOU need to be the one letting them know that there's stress currently in the home and they need to take it into consideration.

Just based off this thread, you seem to be putting the onus on the teachers. The onus is on you to find a way to make it work. Of course, if the teachers are being totally unreasonable, then I'm with you all the way. But other than that, its up to you to find a solution.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:19 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

Yes, the onus is on the teacher to reach out and say "this is beyond my expertise and I need help. Tell me what I can do help this child." I, as the mother, can't know if the teacher needs or wants my input. And sometimes a good teacher has their unique way of doing things and my unsolicited input can be detrimental to the child/teacher relationship.
It's a balancing act.
The principal knows the child as well. If the teacher goes to the principal or comes to me the teacher will get guidance. It's the ones that think too much of themselves to seek help that are the problem. Way too many of them out there.

amother

Wheat

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:26 pm

What slateblue said. I've also had kids who couldn't finish because the other kids were being noisy and active, and either the teacher let them be and so my kid couldn't work or the process of the teacher disciplining them took up all the work time. I can't tell you how often we've been told that if our kid needs quiet to work, he or she should save the classwork and do it at home. We've also had plenty of work sent home because the teacher ran out of time, or an assembly got scheduled, etc.

And if your school doesn't already have this rule, please don't send homework on conferences night, and definitely don't have a test or quiz the next day. It kills the whole night, and often the kids are either babysitting or being babysat.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 6:49 am

[quote="DrMom"]I always knew "PTA" as "Parent Teacher's Association." Basically, this is the organization of parents and teachers who help with school projects, fundraisers, etc.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.....ation

It's only on imamother that I've seen the term used for a parent-teacher meeting.

What does "PTA" stand for in frum schools?[/quote

Agreed. I think posters here use it because the conferences are arranged by the PTA but I don't know for sure. We always called them parent-teacher conferences.