Tell your 4 yo that ur pregnant?

amother

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 11:41 pm

We are going to be ttc soon, and we currently have a 4yo dd. When I was pregnant with her, I threw up every day for 3 months straight, sometimes multiple times a day. I know not necessarily every pregnancy is the same, but if it would be, wondering: it's gonna be pretty obvious to her that I'm not feeling good. Once she asks, would you tell her right off the bat? She's not 2 anymore! I feel like best thing would be to be honest, but you also don't want them announcing at school that mommy's pregnant Wink

I mean, whatever I guess if that'd happen, I wouldn't be the first one it's happened to, but wondering what others suggest?

Stars

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 11:45 pm

Before you’re ready to announce to the world? No way. Tell her mommy’s feeling a little sick and It’s nothing to worry about and hopefully you will be feeling better soon.

I’m a big fan of not overloading kids with TMI. All in it’s due time.

nchr

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 11:46 pm

Stars wrote:

A 4 year old knows what is private and should not be shared, but I don't think they'll understand the waiting IMO. I agree with the advice re feeling under the weather

amother

Amber

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 11:46 pm

She doesn’t know that throwing up means pregnancy. Just say mommy isn’t feeling well. Mommy has a tummy ache.we told our 5 year old At 20 weeks, after the anatomy scan and when I was showing. She asked a few times before then but I dodged her questions to the best of my ability

Dolly1

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:03 am

nchr wrote:

A 4 year old knows what is private and shotuld not be shared, but I don't think they'll understand the waiting IMO. I agree with the advice re feeling under the weather

Wow! U must have some pretty mature 4 year olds! My 10 year old still had a hard time keeping secrets 😄🙊

amother

Bronze

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:14 am

If she comments on your sickness, just keep saying mommy is sick or mommy has a tummy ache. Try your best that she shouldn't see or hear you vomiting. When you're ready to tell her about the baby, say that "maybe after pesach mommy will have a new baby." Otherwise they don't understand the waiting weeks and months.

Kiwi13

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:17 am

I’ve heard from multiple 4-year olds about their mothers’ pregnancies (including one pregnancy that unfortunately didn’t make it... I never told their mom that I knew). Kids that age are still learning the ropes.

My own 4-year old wanted to know what I got my husband for his birthday so I made something up (knowing he couldn’t keep it to himself). He IMMEDIATELY told my husband, “guess what? Mommy got you a SURPRISE! I’m not allowed to tell you it’s a MENORAH! Shhh!” And he totally didn’t get it that that wasn’t considered keeping it a surprise.

If you’re ready to risk other people finding out, telling your 4-year old is okay. Otherwise wait. I personally think it depends on the situation and the kid. If my 4-year old was worried about my health and it was making him scared, I probably would tell him, even if it meant other people might find out sooner than I ideally hoped.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just feel like telling her mommys sick/not feeling well can be scary, cuz why is mommy sick/not feeling well for so long??

Is she home with you all day? Otherwise how intense would she be at that point.

I had to say ‘mommys tired’ or ‘mommys not feeling so well’ quite a few times (not mommy is sick! That’s different) . If she asked what’s hurting me I would be honest and say my tummy or my head a bit. ‘ bh I’m healthy just a bit tired today’.

Didn’t discuss in any clearer terms till I was showing. It’s way too long and stressful for a young kid imo.

amother

Babypink

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:54 am

My daughter is 4 now and I'm pregnant. I told her once I was about 14 weeks. She sees me throwing up a lot and needing to nap more, she doesn't need to know the two are related. I don't want to scare her off pregnancies.
I make her very much part of the process, telling her about doctor appointments etc.
She told her morah a little after I told her, I was okay with that. Part of telling a toddler is knowing she may repeat. She also mentioned to both her bubbies that she can't wait to share her room next year with her new baby sibling. We didn't give her a lot of info at all, she just kept asking when she's going to be a sister and we told her hopefully sometime next winter. She's very excited about it. I think it's important to give them some time to get used to the big change, how long exactly is up to you.

amother

Tan

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:12 am

My older children are 15 and 11 and they dont know I'm pregnant and I'm not planning on telling them for now ... last time we told them when I went in to labour . I don't really show till the end of pregnancy.
I did throw up a lot the last few weeks and made sure to use the upstairs bathroom.
We don't believe in making children excited for something that takes so long to wait .

amother

Linen

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 5:57 am

Surprisingly, of all my kids, my 4 years old was the only one who kept my pregnancy a secret until we told her she was allowed to tell.
My older kids couldn’t keep the secret for more than a day.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 6:12 am

I am pregnant now and BH just finished my first trimester. I had it pretty bad, throwing up multiple times a day. I told my kids I don't feel well but it's nothing to worry about. I am gonna feel better soon (they were scared I have Corona). I am not planning on telling for sure until after my 20 week ultrasound and I would rather keep it a secret for even longer but don't know if it's possible. They are already 9,7,4.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 6:17 am

I just gave birth. I didn't tell my 5yo. She can't wait 2days for an outing. You think a 4yo can wait that long?? They still don't have the concept of time. She was over the moon exited with news of the birth. Nothing happened bh. She is fine.

My4Jewels

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 6:53 am

A good rule of thumb is tell your children when you’re ready to tell everybody else. This goes both ways. Meaning I wouldn’t want my child announcing to people That I was expecting before I was ready to tell. And I also would not want my child to overhear people let’s say my parents and I talking about things related to the baby and not have my child know that I was expecting.

So if you’re Plan is to tell people after the first trimester then that’s when I’d tell my dd. If you’re plan is to tell people after 20 weeks than that’s when I’d tell my dd.

amother

Coral

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 7:07 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just feel like telling her mommys sick/not feeling well can be scary, cuz why is mommy sick/not feeling well for so long??

Don't say mommy is sick.
Just say you have a tummy ache, or you're tired.
We told at 13 weeks, before we told our siblings. (Our siblings were going to mention it to dc and we wanted dc to find out from us.)

amother

Cerise

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:46 am

amother [ Ecru ] wrote:

I am now 18 weeks and just told my 9 y.o. who was thrilled to the sky. I have two younger ones (6 and 4) and warned DC9 not to tell them because they can't keep a secret for so long. DC9 feels so big and privileged.

amother

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:49 am

Thanks everyone! My daughter is with me much of the day. I work half day while she is in school, and we go home together afterwards. So yes, she would be around me a lot. With regards to not telling kids about something they will find hard to wait for- we had a few close family weddings recently where there was a waiting period between engagement/wedding, and she was pretty good about that (although I realize this is a lot longer! But one wait period was 4 months). She is a bit more of a curious/anxious (slightly) child (we are working with a therapist), so yeah I guess if I'd see she was getting too worried I would decide if that was the right time to tell her. Thanks all!!