Daycare guilt | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children

Daycare guilt

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amother

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 2:26 am

I feel so torn! I have two little ones and signed them up for daycare for half a day for this year. Last year I was home with them all day everyday and it was really bad for my emotional health. I realized this wasn’t working for me anymore and compromised on half day home with the kids; half day working and send kids to daycare.

It’s been a week since daycare started and I’m worried about my kids. They both cry now when I drop them off (didn’t cry the first few days). They both cry when I pick them up. My baby always seems tired and hungry. We have an app with updates of their care throughout the day. The length of her nap at daycare is considerably shorter than her nap at home.

My older one is not yet talking. She has been getting up the last two nights in middle of the night screaming uncontrollably. Although we have had issues with this in the past, there were always ways to calm her down. Now nothing is working.

Are these normal transitions to daycare setting? I feel like I’m choosing between my mental/emotional health or my kids emotional health. I am eaten up by guilt but I know the alternative isn’t practical either. I can’t switch daycares as there is no other availability.

What are your thoughts? How do I know if my kids are ok?

amother

PlumPink

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 7:46 am

Try and switch daycares? How to the morahs seem?

amother

Gladiolus

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 8:20 am

That’s concerning Op. Trust your gut. I would keep them home personally. Maybe hire a nanny for a few hours a week so you get get some self care.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 8:44 am

Is this a daycare center? If so, can you peek in randomly during the day, to see how they are doing? My daycare allows this, as long as the parents are careful not to let the child see them (if your child sees you, then they prefer you take the child home for the day because most children get very upset to see a parent come and then leave).

amother

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 9:06 am

I can’t switch daycares as this is the only one with availability that meets my needs (timing wise). If I keep them home now with me, that means I have to quit my job which I just started and go back to being emotionally overwhelmed. This is a daycare center and I would love to peek in but I’m at work at the hours that I’m there.

tichellady

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 10:28 am

if you think it’s a loving, warm and safe environment then just give it some time. it’s a big adjustment and they probably will be fine once they are more used to the new people and routine. it can take time to get used to napping in a new place. if you are worried about the actual place then I would try to figure out a way to pop in. what does the staff say when you ask about how your kids are doing? do they cry all day?

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 10:54 am

amother OP wrote:

Why can’t you get a babysitter at home for the hours you work?

amother

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 11:20 am

When I ask about crying they say it lasts only a few minutes after I leave. But when I came to get my kid once and say her sobbing, I asked the teacher what happened and she had no clue and said she just started. They have sent me pictures during the day and they seem happy at those times. I’m thinking of getting a babysitter/nanny instead but they are ridiculously hard to find where I live.

Do these issues sound like normal transitions or something more?

bnm

Sat, Sep 10 2022, 9:24 pm

There are always the kids who cry at pickup because their parent wasn't first or they realized they had been apart from their parent all day.

Perrys

Sat, Sep 10 2022, 10:57 pm

Give it some time.

My own children cry at pick up drop off and I am in the building the whole day.

Also remember that after yt there willl be a bit of an adjustment.

Are you located in lkwd?

amother

Seagreen

Sat, Sep 10 2022, 11:19 pm

Give it a little time (daycare can be hectic the first week) and also try to give them extra cuddles and attention when you pick them up. When my kids were that age they really needed that mommy time at the end of the day or they would wake at night to get that time. Get takeout if you can manage it or just do very basic dinners so you can focus on them. And of course if anything seems off from daycare (kids unhappy at pickup, don't seem well cared for, etc, then consider moving them).

oakandfig19

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 1:08 am

That doesn’t sound too unusual. I just started my toddler at a new daycare and he was very fussy, would cry at drop off for the first week or so but is now doing much better. I’d give it more time. Definitely don’t feel guilty! At some point anyway they’re going to be out of the house.

Last edited by oakandfig19 on Sun, Sep 11 2022, 8:38 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 8:25 am

Thank you all! I’m going to give it some more time to see how it’s going before doing anything I might regret.

To the poster who asked, not in lkwd. I live oot.

SuperWify

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 8:28 am

Give it a few more weeks - even more because of YT- and then reevaluate.

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 1:27 am

SuperWify wrote:

Give it a few more weeks - even more because of YT- and then reevaluate.

This. Going back to daycare after Yom Tov things could start back at zero again.
Give it time. I would say even till chanuka. Some kids take a while to adjust - and if you see that during the day the kids are happy, give it more time.

Goldie613

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 2:05 am

OP, do you have a family member or friend who can pop in on your behalf?

Are there any older kids in the group that you can maybe ask their moms what their kid says? If there's anything really not right, an older kid might have said something to their mom about it.

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