S/O alternatives to potching

NechaMom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:40 am

dankbar wrote:

My toddlers used to climb out of 5 point harnesses, from carriage. Run out of stores, into the street. For one, I would let him walk, but I had a harness on a leash. They sold it for babies at that time, in pharmacy.

It sounds absurd, but there was nothing to restrain him not to do dangerous things. And he wanted his independence, this way he felt like he had it, and I had a bit of control.

I was going to suggest a leash but I thought a harness for a 20 month old would work.
It may sound absurd but it’s better than the alternative of them running onto the street.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:42 am

dankbar wrote:

exactly what you said in the first paragraph. My kid cannot be constrained. I once used a leash and I was told off by two different frum ladies. One told me that I’m treating my kid like a dog and the other told me that I should learn better parenting. For real. When I’m holding him then he struggles to the point where I cannot hold him and screams. When I hold his hand it’s usually ok but if he wants to go on a different direction he literally sinks down on the floor and starts kicking and screaming and the minute you leave go he springs up and runs extremely fast.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:44 am

NechaMom wrote:

I was going to suggest a leash but I thought a harness for a 20 month old would work.
It may sound absurd but it’s better than the alternative of them running onto the street.

well apparently I can not do anything that would satisfy everyone so I’m a parenting failure. People consider leashes abusive. I’d love to hear what ac try ally works that would not be abusive to anyone. Is genuinely like to know what the “gentle” parenting methods suggest.

NechaMom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:44 am

amother Bisque wrote:

Seems like your posting about your child on both threads simultaneously. Does hitting this 20 month old help him behave the next time around? Seems like it’s a release of your anger but not the long term solution.

dankbar

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:45 am

I don't think they sell this anymore, but yes that was my best solution, but people here will say that it's abusive, it was totally not, it gave him some freedom

amother

Olive

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:45 am

amother Bisque wrote:

Ignore them. Use the leash. You need to keep your kid safe.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:46 am

NechaMom wrote:

All day? I thought you’re talking about when out on the street. He can get out of a carriage with the harness?

yes he can. He also knows how to open my lock on my door and walk out of the house, he actually figured out my old set of child locks…

amother

Olive

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:48 am

amother Bisque wrote:

yes he can. He also knows how to open my lock on my door and walk out of the house, he actually figured out my old set of child locks…

I know two kids like this and later it was discovered that it was a symptoms of a bigger problem. Was he ever evaluated? Escape artists and runners tend to be symptoms.

NechaMom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:49 am

amother Bisque wrote:

Calling yourself a failure won’t help anyone. You are a loving mother with a very challenging 20 month old. Hitting him is wrong and abusive and anyways won’t help long term. You need to figure out different methods for him. There is help out there for challenging kids. Ask your pediatrician for recommendations.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:50 am

NechaMom wrote:

it’s not about anger it’s about stopping them in their tracks which is also important. And letting them know that this behavior is not acceptable. I can’t say that we never had repeats but certain dangerous behaviors were never repeated (there was an incident with easy off in someone else’s house and the host screamed at him for 10 minutes straight (to me this seems more abusive then a potch but ok). He never goes near this cabinet again when we go visit.

NechaMom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:50 am

dankbar wrote:

I think that giving a little petchele, for a toddler when running into street is OK.

Her child seems more challenging than a regular toddler whom that would work for. Otherwise she wouldn’t be here posting about it. If it would’ve worked the first time it would’ve long been forgotten about.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:52 am

NechaMom wrote:

again you are not offering any real alternatives and the pediatrician said he’s a very smart and normal toddler. (I asked her if his behavior is abnormal and she said no). So instead of calling potching abusive first be aware of what mothers are dealing with and understand that people don’t always have the luxury of choice and don’t judge them for it.

NechaMom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:53 am

amother Bisque wrote:

Great. So this child is traumatized enough not to go near that host’s cabinet and has absolutely no idea what he did wrong. Poor kid!

amother

DarkOrange

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:55 am

amother Bisque wrote:

Op my 20 month old is the same. Not old enough to understand warnings and consequences and when he hurts me on purpose or does something dangerous like yank his hand out of mine and and run into the street he gets a potch . And no that’s not abusive

No. You deserve a potch for letting a 20 month old run into the street.
He belongs strapped in a carriage.

He never hurts you on purpose. He wants to play.

You potch him to show you he can't potch you? How is he going to learn this isn't just a potching game?

And here I thought Gen Z is so up to date with better parenting. 🤕

NechaMom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:55 am

amother Bisque wrote:

I didn’t claim that I’m a specialist but I still don’t see how potching instead of locking cabinets with easy off is the right method. He does seem like a smart active toddler and hitting him through his toddler years can damage him. You must find alternatives because most of the potching is just your anger or traumatizing him. The cabinet is the perfect example.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:55 am

amother Olive wrote:

I know two kids like this and later it was discovered that it was a symptoms of a bigger problem. Was he ever evaluated? Escape artists and runners tend to be symptoms.

my pediatrician said wasn’t concerned and said his behavior is very typical and that his fine motor skills are extremely advanced which enables him to do more (like open 5 point harness)

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:57 am

NechaMom wrote:

Great. So this child is traumatized enough not to go near that host’s cabinet and has absolutely no idea what he did wrong. Poor kid!

TBH, that’s better than the trauma of ch”v getting hurt from that stuff.

I think a recurring theme here is parents using hitting to stop dangerous behavior in the moment. So far no alternative has been offered although apparently a $50 parenting book might have some suggestions.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:57 am

NechaMom wrote:

Great. So this child is traumatized enough not to go near that host’s cabinet and has absolutely no idea what he did wrong. Poor kid!

I wasn’t the one who yelled at him. I wasn’t even there or else I would have stopped or. I personally cannot stand yelling.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 2:00 am

amother DarkOrange wrote:

Wow. This could be a first time mama. Calm down.