Not managing | Imamother

Flower25

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 10:22 pm

I feel like I am not managing well my house. Things don't get done, I keep on pushing things off, I almost always feel overwhelmed with what I have to do and don't have a regular schedule how things are running. Things like grocery shopping, laundry don't have a specific time it's being done as well as run errands etc. I don't work but somehow things don't get done. Not sure what the core is, who can help me with this?
PS. Mornings are super super hard for me, I never know how to start my day and I end up a lot going back to sleep for a few hours.

siddur

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 11:28 pm

Oy. I’m sorry.
A short term solution is to make a list of a few things to get done . Take it day by day.

zaq

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:41 am

Listmaking helps a lot, by giving structure to your day and being a visible reminder of what you need to do. Ideally, you'd prep a list each night of tasks you want to do the next day. That way you have your plan all ready the next morning.

If you have certain things that must be done at a certain time, say a dentist checkup at 10.00 and school pickup at 3.00, mark those down first as "anchors" around which you work everything else. As an example, you may need to do two loads of laundry, mail some envelopes, wash the kitchen floor, pay several bills, cook supper and shop for groceries. Working around your "anchors," you might write Laundry, wash kitchen floor before 10.00 -Dentist. Since you know you'll pass a letter box on the way to the dentist, you write "mail letters" just before "dentist."

Then you figure you'll grocery shop on the way back from the dentists, so you write that just after "dentist." Between putting away the groceries and picking the kids up, you'll work in another load of laundry and paying the bills. After pickup, you'll write "cook supper"--see how clever you were, you already shopped for groceries so you don't need to go out again to buy ingredients. And after the kids are in bed, you'll sit down to make your list for the next day.

Your list may look something like this:
8.30 Laundry, wash kitchen floor
10.00 dentist
KosherKorner groceries
Laundry
3.00 pickup
Cook supper
Wash dishes

That night you may see that you forgot to put "mail letters" on the list before "dentist," so on the list for tomorrow, you'll write "mail letters" before, say, 3.00 pickup, because you pass a letterbox on the way to school also.

Eventually you can make a weekly master list of jobs and figure out which days are best to do them so you can write them on your daily lists.

Many jobs can be delegated to your dh and your kids. Kids six and up (and often younger) can and should make their own beds, put their own dirty clothes in the hamper, put their playthings away, and tidy their rooms in a general way. They won't necessarily do the greatest job but this is part of their chinuch. Consider it an apprenticeship for the occupation called "living." As they get older they can and should be assigned harder and more complicated jobs.

You decide how detailed you want the list to be. You may want to add things like exercise, shower, make your bed, daven, eat breakfast or lunch, or you may do those things automatically and not need a reminder. I find my day goes better when I write down everything, right down to taking out the trash and returning bottles to the grocery, because if I don't, I'll forget and then kick myself when I get to the grocery and realize I forgot the bottles yet again. Also when I write it all down, I can plan the most efficient order of operations. Why make special trips to take out the trash and mail a letter if I can dump the trash on my way out of the house and then pass a letter box on the way to the grocery? So I look at my list of tasks and then number them in the order I want to do them.

It will take you a few weeks to work out what jobs you need to do when, but once you get in the listmaking habit, you'll find it much easier to manage your time and your household. Keep in mind that unexpected glitches will happen: someone gets sick and you can't leave them home alone, the dentist visit takes two hours instead of the half hour you expected, yadda yadda. Your lists are there as a guide and not a straitjacket, so if you don't accomplish everything you wanted to, well, tomorrow is another day.

imaima

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:48 am

Flower25 wrote:

Do you have any kids at home?

Flower25

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:48 am

zaq wrote:

wow, wow thank you... love the way you wrote down everything so clear. can you give me another example of a day? that doesn't include an appointment. wanna get the hang of it.

Flower25

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:52 am

Flower25 wrote:

wow, wow thank you... love the way you wrote down everything so clear. can you give me another example of a day? that doesn't include an appointment. wanna get the hang of it.

also how do u make kids six and up do their bed, pack away their stuff etc. mine doesn't do that and it's so hard to be on top of him to do it, it's already easier to not ask him

familyfirst

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:52 am

Divide your laundry by day

Example:
Sundays- darks
Mondays-lights
Tuesday- towels

Etc

That way- you’re not overwhelmed by huge piles of unfolded laundry and you know that everything go will get it’s turn

Flower25

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:56 am

familyfirst wrote:

wow that's a good idea.. keep them coming.. what other things make ur life easier?

zaq

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 1:12 am

BTW, "managing" is a relative term. If you have young children, it's very hard to keep up with everything. Managing when you're just a couple looks very different from managing when you have a handful of kids, so take that into consideration and don't have unrealistic expectations.

Here's something that helped me stay sane when my kids were young: I decided that one room of the house--in this case, the living room--would stay presentable, even if the rest of the house was a total churban. Every night before bed I'd take a few minutes to tidy up, even if all I did was take everything that was out of place and stick it in a laundry basket. Laundry baskets are real handy for faking tidiness. You just dump everything in a basket and stash the basket somewhere until you get a chance to deal with the contents.

You mention going back to sleep for several hours in the morning. Are you actually sleepy? Do you go to sleep very late? Are you up at night with an infant? If not, you may be suffering from depression and not know it; sleeping too much is one symptom of this disorder. There are other causes for sleeping too much, including sleep apnea (a condition in which you stop breathing many times in your sleep, and therefore don't get good sleep) but depression is a classic one. Getting treatment for whatever is causing your daytime napping may eliminate the need for it and give you a few extra hours to do what you want to do.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 1:51 am

Maybe consider ordering supplies online. All the big websites do this. The money is much cheaper than having a car. Even fresh foods can be ordered online. Even without that, it is certainly useful to have soaps and packaged things such as flour, cans, diapers, shampoos, and dried beans delivered.

The restaurant supply websites are worth a look.

If you get a wash going, going back to bed is no harm; the wash is working while you sleep.

Maybe fill a slow cooker the night before, or when you are just getting breakfast; then dinner is ready, with no further effort.

Success10

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 2:36 am

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Hi!!!!

grace413

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 2:56 am

Dolly, what a pleasant surprise to see you!

sitting

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 3:05 am

Here's how I managed.
I would begin with set laundry days and times. for ex I begin laundry sun eve and finish Mon morn and again Thurs Eve to finish fri morn, these slots are non negotiable for me.
Groceries also can be f and v for ex on a thurs morn and supermarket on a wed morn...again not negotiable. (I used to restock on a Mon morn essentials like fresh fruit but that was just a quick drop In somewhere local for 5 items or whatever)
inorder to help with groceries menu should be planned on sun morn (doesn't have to be precise, can be chopped meat mon, chicken Tues etc) but ensures you buy what's needed....I then build around what staples I have ex if I have farfelle it's chicken and farfelle. I use up fresh veg first for dinners (when I have) and as I run out resort to my permenant stash of frozen veg (4 or 5 bags kept on hand, replace as needed)
Use Amazon for things needed like light bulbs, glue sticks, PJ's etc....saves you running to stores.

Another thing that helps is every night go through and write down for next day
8.30 kids to skl
fold laundry
groceries
12 appointment
start dinner

Don't forget to give yourself down time too, especially if you're not working and kids are gonna storm in at one point in the afternoon which is when second part of day begins.
Hope this helps a bit

myname1

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 3:13 am

Success10 wrote:

Hi!!!!

I also did a double-take! I was like "Oh, this must be an old thread." Hope all is well Smile

MyUsername

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 9:35 am

Check out the book 'how to keep house while drowning'

zaq

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 11:54 am

Flower25 wrote:

also how do u make kids six and up do their bed, pack away their stuff etc. mine doesn't do that and it's so hard to be on top of him to do it, it's already easier to not ask him

There's your mistake. With a young kid, it's chinuch. You're teaching him life skills, no different from teaching him to make brachot, brush his teeth and say please and thank you. Yes, it's hard but the results are worth it. As long as he does something, you accept it even if he does a terrible job. His terrible job is still better than your not getting around to it at all, and in time he'll improve.

zaq

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 11:58 am

Flower25 wrote:

also how do u make kids six and up do their bed, pack away their stuff etc. mine doesn't do that and it's so hard to be on top of him to do it, it's already easier to not ask him

You start when they're two or so by making a game of putting toys away, throwing clothes in the hamper and so on. My 2-y/o grandson loves throwing stuff in the garbage. You just have to watch him to be sure he doesn't throw out the saltshaker or something! As they get bigger you teach them other things little by little. You start by doing the chore with them, same way you make cookies together you polish silver together, or make a bed, or whatever. Then you let them do it themselves.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:56 pm

Hi back.

tichellady

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 2:10 pm

I can relate. Sometimes I go to sleep because I’m too overwhelmed to figure out what to do first. It helps for me to leave the house in the morning, take a walk, go grocery shopping, exercise, etc

Or if I can’t do that I try to choose a small and easy task first that doesn’t feel overwhelming

zaq

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 2:34 pm

Flower25 wrote:

wow, wow thank you... love the way you wrote down everything so clear. can you give me another example of a day? that doesn't include an appointment. wanna get the hang of it.

Bli neder will send sample sked this evening. I timed out and my post evaporated so will have to reconstruct it.