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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

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lamplighter

Mon, Feb 21 2011, 8:35 pm

I want to dress up for Purim. I want to dress up with DH. We have the past 3 years but he doesn't want to and keeps telling me he wont, he feels silly etc. We don't have kids and if we don't dress up or do the whole MM thing- we have no purim. It's a really hard day for IFers especially at Mom's house with all the grandkids etc.
How can I get him on board happily? can I?

mommy#1

Mon, Feb 21 2011, 8:42 pm

so maybe find him a cute tie, and you coordinate with something

ETA: but I totally understand your saying it doesn't feel like Purim- I went through 3 purims married before I had a child. Neither me nor dh dressed up, just because most married couples don't in my circles. Now that I bh have s baby, I'm SO into dressing him up, just so that I can feel the spirit of Purim finally! Iyh by you by next Purim!

Last edited by mommy#1 on Mon, Feb 21 2011, 10:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

leomom

Mon, Feb 21 2011, 10:20 pm

Or will he wear a silly hat, at least some of the time?

chocolate moose

Tue, Feb 22 2011, 10:17 am

lamplighter wrote:

How can I get him on board happily? can I?

I'm not so sure that HE'S the problem.

lamplighter wrote:

if we don't dress up or do the whole MM thing- we have no purim.

That's not true. Purim is about giving tzedekah and hearing the Megillah.

lamplighter wrote:

It's a really hard day for IFers especially at Mom's house with all the grandkids etc.

You can help out a Chabad House. Or make your own Purim seudah, with your own friends.

ChossidMom

Tue, Feb 22 2011, 10:54 am

Lamplighter.

I am also married to the kind of guy who won't dress up in any way (Ok, after 18 years of marriage he will maybe put on a hat the kids give him). For the first few years of my marriage, when I had no kids, our Purims were kind of "shvach" by my standards. We made our own Purim seudah and then went to his old parents. It was pretty serious. Even today, BTW, my kids all dress up of course, but we don't have one ofthose seudas with alot of people, singing, drinking etc. Every family has their rhythm.

I think you need to respect your husband's wish to not feel "silly" and just go with the flow. I recognize that it's hard for you but dressing up is not the be all and end all of Purim. It's a kid's thing.

And Chocolate Moose is right. It's really not the ikar of Purim.

May this be the last childless Purim you experience and may you have a real "nahafoch hu" this year.

Hugs and more hugs.

shalhevet

Tue, Feb 22 2011, 11:00 am

I think you are being unfair. It's not everyone's style to dress up (here adults don't dress up at all). It's as bad as forcing your husband to listen to music you like and he loathes, or go to a party when he hates socializing and would rather read a book.

Purim for children is about dressing up. Purim for adults should be at least partially a serious day. Spiritually happy rather than clowning-around-getting-drunk happy.

I'm sure it must be very hard for IFers - I'm sure it's hard for him too and I don't think it's fair to force him to use the same coping mechanism as you do.

It says on Purim 'kol haposhet yad notnim lo" - everyone who stretches out their hand (to ask for something) we give them. And that also applies to HKBH. YK is Yom Ke-Purim. The power of tefilla is very, very strong on that day. May Hashem answer all your tefillos letova this Purim.

ChossidMom

Tue, Feb 22 2011, 11:05 am

Well said, Shalhevet. Thanks for the reminder!!!

flowerpower

Tue, Feb 22 2011, 11:43 am

Why don't you do headgear like waitress/waiter/pirates.....you don't have to do the whole works.

freidasima

Tue, Feb 22 2011, 12:37 pm

Shal is so right. Everyone has their own style but it is a day that you give to all who ask, this is a day to ask the ribono shel olam and with mazel he will give, may it be in yirtze hashem, your last childless purim!

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