Why were weddings pushed up

amother

Jade

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 7:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

In such a case the poor kalla who got married a nidda will not be able to get to a mikva indefinitely. sounds like a terrible idea to me

doesn't that cause a yichud problem? s..x is one of the ways to cement the marriage and if they don't, it's two unrelated adults of opposite gender alone together

DrMom

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 7:31 am

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

doesn't that cause a yichud problem? s..x is one of the ways to cement the marriage and if they don't, it's two unrelated adults of opposite gender alone together

So let them each stay with his/her parents for a few days.

mom2mysouls

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 7:45 am

I wish we had got married like that. In peace. Without the expenses and drama of everyone around us. And without the looong sheva brachos..
I would've really loved it.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:19 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I don't understand either. Especially when people are saying how traumatic it is for a new couple to be alone together, without the constant presence of their parents.

If it's such a terrible thing to be alone with your new husband, it would make a lot more sense to delay the wedding, don't you think?

Also to consider is the first Mikvah experience for the Kallah. She may be traumatized in having to do it in the current setup.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:26 am

zaftigmom wrote:

I think that being alone together for three full days with no people or technology is a little intense for any marriage. If newlyweds haven't yet figured out how to work through differences in communication, love languages etc, it could potentially have a big impact on their marriage to be thrown into the deep end like that. They should still stay home. I just get how it could be really hard.

I think it's a big difference between couples who have dated or couples who have had little contact during the engagement.

But on the other hand, there is nothing like an essential crisis or big project that bring people closer. If two people, (irregardless of much they've known each other prior to this), sit down, strategize & work on something together for days on end, it will speed up their connection between them. They'll then sit down to their own Seder with a deep sense of satisfaction and a deeper connection to one another.

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Right, so I don't understand why not make these weddings as soon as possible with a kalla that is not a nidda.
I live in israel and there were many minute to minute weddings these past 2 weeks.

But look, they need to consummate anyways, and the moment they do so she'll be nidda again.

If they marry with a chupas nidda, that doesn't change anything except for when they consummate, and whether she goes first before or after the wedding. And then she can put packs of BC together in hopes of not getting a period in the near future.

I think the thinking is, better to just get it over and done with. We're a week before Pesach - anything can happen until then, and depending on where the kallah is in her cycle, she may not be able to go to mikva before Pesach anyways.

Getting married now also eliminates a lot of the disagreements surrounding the wedding: how many people attend, where it's held, who is invited, the exact date, working around family schedules, etc. Everyone is more understanding and there are so many less expectations.

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:30 am

zaftigmom wrote:

Books, board games, card games, meals, talking (newlyweds are great at that).....

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:32 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Don’t forget
Then there’s sfira so the couples would not be able to marry until 3 days before Shavuos

Actually Israel's Chief Ashkenazi rabbi said that couples can get married until the end of Nissan, regardless of whether they would be permitted to do so under normal circumstances.

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Chuppas nidda is by default people around. keep that in mind.

Why do you say that?

We made our wedding in under 2 weeks. I'd tracked my cycles and we scheduled it a safe distance from my period so that even if it came a bit late or took a bit longer I'd be able to make it to mikva. (The flip side, of course, was that I got my period just before going to mikva AFTER the wedding. But it wasn't chupas nidda, not by a long stretch...)

amother

Khaki

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Chuppas nidda is by default people around. keep that in mind.

Ppl stay in apt where the door is open to the main house. There is no interaction.
(My neighbor has such an apt she gives out as a chessed and I know there are others).

amother

Red

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 10:30 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

But some people in this thread https://www.imamother.com/foru.....86839 are saying that having a newlywed couple spend a lot of time together in quarantine is the worst possible thing in the world.

So, which is it?

Edited. Thanks Sequoia for pointing that out!

If they are basically strangers to each other why is that surprising?

DrMom

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 4:04 pm

FYI, Netanyahu just decreed that no more than 2 people who are not in the same nuclear family can meet together.

Not sure I understand if that is with or without the minimum 2meter separation, but it definitely sounds like weddings will be trickier to pull off.

Elfrida

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 4:15 pm

DrMom wrote:

There was a separate clause about weddings. They are allowed in the presence of the chatan and kalla and their immediate family only, with no guests. He didn't mention it, but presumably two unrelated eidim are also allowed, and a mesader kidushin. And in the open air, with everyone keeping at least two metres distance.