Thinking how to respond to this

Scotty

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 8:12 pm

"Hmmm. Yes, in some families moms work, and in some families moms don't. This is what works for our family."

(Pause, possibly for his protests.)

"Hmmm. It sounds like you have a lot of thoughts or even worries about it." (Explore with curiosity, empathy, and playfulness - what are his thoughts/where are they coming from/why does he feel that way? that's interesting, etc...

This is not "oh, convince me to do otherwise" - it's "In our family we do A but your concerns and thoughts are valid to me and I'd like to hear your feelings". He might not be able to articulate what is bothering him but keep on listening and asking to hear what he's REALLY saying.

Don't allow any latent guilt (!!!????) at being a SAHM instead of a WAHM get in the way. You're doing what's best for your kids, end of story. BUT his bringing up the topic is allowing you a rare entrance into his brain and worries and thoughts - take him up on it! it's NOT about you, it's about him!

hatzlocha!

observer

Mon, Jan 18 2021, 12:04 am

Do you and your husband present a unified front, as a team? Does he feel that its you vs your husband? Maybe explain to him that you are a team and you discussed it and decided together that this is what is best for your family. And that Tatty is so happy to be supporting the family. (And try not to discuss anything financial in front of him).