Do you cry easily?

amother

Aqua

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 10:12 am

I cry easily when there's children involved. I will start to cry if I feel like I'm being attacked or criticized when talking to someone.
I can't bring myself to cry on Tisha b'av unless I can fully imagine the mothers weighing their children and then cooking them and eating them....
I will start crying at any given moment if I had to hold in my thoughts or emotions and it's building and building and one little thing will drive me over the edge and I can't shut the tears faucet but hey at least I feel better

BH Yom Yom

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 10:24 am

I often feel embarrassed and ashamed when I cry, like I’ve made a fool of myself and need to apologize. I “should” myself a lot - “I SHOULD be able to manage my emotions better, I SHOULD have no issue dealing calmly logically with a difficult situation,” etc. In my DBT group they always tell to “stop should-ing” myself lol.

OTOH when other people cry I just want to help them feel safe and heard and give them a hug (if they want one). I don’t think they have any reason to be ashamed of their tears.

My therapist says I have different mental “rules” for other people than for myself when it comes to emotions.

thunderstorm

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 10:41 am

I’ve gone years without crying. I cried a lot in high school after I was vulnerable and shared what I was going through with my close friends. After that I cried very easily.
But then I stopped after I reached age 18 and after that I could count on my fingers how many times I cried in 18 years. Now , that I’ve been working on my childhood pain, self love and acknowledging my feelings, I cry very easily. When I watch a documentary or tv show that has any other people crying , I cry along with them. I cry when I read books and the characters are dealing with pain, I cry when someone hurts my feelings , I cry in therapy and I usually am brought to tears when talking about my childhood or relationship with my parents and family , with my friends. I cry while listening to certain songs. I even cry while I post or read threads. It’s like a switch that turned on inside of me. But for some reason , I feel healthier when I cry. I think I have a few decades of bottled up feelings that just keep leaking out and it brings me to tears very easily. I have always cried at levayos and nichum aveilim. I am an HSP

BH Yom Yom

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 10:58 am

thunderstorm wrote:

It’s like a switch that turned on inside of me. But for some reason , I feel healthier when I cry. I think I have a few decades of bottled up feelings that just keep leaking out and it brings me to tears very easily. I have always cried at levayos and nichum aveilim. I am an HSP

I so relate to this. I didn't cry for years (at least not in front of people) and now it's like a switch was flipped since I started working through traumas in therapy, and while I don't cry at the drop of a hat, I do cry a lot more easily now than I did from early childhood through my mid-twenties.

amother

Green

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 11:03 am

Does everything have to be labeled and considered a disorder? In that case, I'm an EIP: easily irritated person. IOW I don't suffer fools gladly. I happen to cry easily at things like sad songs, there are some I can't even teach to anyone because my throat locks up in the middle, but so what? That's my shtick. It's not a disorder, and all I need is a few tissues, not therapy. I'm not easily insulted, I don't dissolve in tears if I'm not invited to a party or spend the day brooding if my boss yells at me, but at the same time I have no patience for people who are stupid --not developmentally disabled but of normal development who don't use the saykhl of a flea--and I have even less patience for drama queens and people who are always feeling sorry for themselves and looking for hidden insults in every exchange. Just stop it. Can't people just BE and take responsibility for their own behavior without inventing "disorders" as an excuse?

amother

Plum

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 11:11 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

...HSP is not a disorder...
And this comment is a pretty mean one, especially as a reply to a HSP’s post.

amother

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 11:42 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Interesting perspective, thank you for sharing. I don't consider HSP to be a disorder or an excuse. I see it more as a way to view myself and others who cry easily or are otherwise very sensitive, more compassionately and not in a judgy type of way. This then helps me take responsibility for my responses - like, instead of damning myself for feeling a certain way, I can recognize that yes, I am very sensitive, so it makes sense that I am feeling hurt or sad or on the verge of tears because something happened. Being able to identify the feelings and see where they might be coming from helps me better manage them. Does that make sense?

IME it's totally different than nirganus - which AIUI means the type of people who are "drama queens and people who are always feeling sorry for themselves and looking for hidden insults in every exchange." The Chofetz Chaim talks about that and it actually has halachic implications about whether you are allowed to share l'toeles information with someone if they are a nirgan. But I digress. I agree that those behaviors can be exceedingly irritating to deal with. I don't see drama queen-types as necessarily HSPs (although for some people I'm sure there is overlap or they may be both). I had a roommate years ago who was a major drama queen but didn't seem to have many HSP traits.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 11:58 am

I chose the second option, I cry sometimes.
But when I'm on hormones (IVF) then I cry at the drop of a hat and for no reason at all. I also laugh more. Like reading Mordechai Schmutter's book, which would normally get some chuckles, had me in full throated, can't catch my breath laughter, to the point where I had to put it down till I finished laughing. And then I laughed till I had tears running down my face, which made me cry. Loudly and passionately. The people in the room with me were pretty worried about me. Smile

Especially when I read passages out loud to "prove" that it's funny. And it was only moderately funny.

amother

Olive

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 1:55 pm

I am a highly sensitive person/empath that was shamed for being that way as a child. As such, I learned to shut off emotion completely and become a perfect happy go lucky pretty nachas machine. I can only remember crying twice between the ages 5-30. I am now in therapy for my lifetime of emotional suppression and literally work on TRYING to cry and access all of my emotions. There is nothing wrong with crying. There is no reason to try not to cry, in fact that can cause all kinds of emotional, relationship, and even physical problems. There are few situations where tears are completely inappropriate. But, if you find yourself in those, you can do the sick thing I did when I was a little girl--start thinking of everyone you know dying and you being left alone. Yeah, I told you it was sick. Just feel. Feelers rock.

Zehava

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 2:00 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

So many hugs to you. Yeah I wish I can even want to cry in front of others. It’s one of the scariest things I can imagine.

BH Yom Yom

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 2:06 pm

Zehava wrote:

So many hugs to you. Yeah I wish I can even want to cry in front of others. It’s one of the scariest things I can imagine.

There are very, very, very few people who have ever seen me cry (took years before I was able to let myself cry in front of my therapist). The thought of crying in front of people is indeed scary - it feels like tempting danger - like what if they shame me or criticize me when I’m already clearly vulnerable?

nchr

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 2:59 pm

I very tough on myself and I think crying is one of the most disgusting acts. I feel the same way about children crying. I cannot imagine allowing myself to cry, and if it did happen, I wouldn't want to deal with the self disappointment so to say. Crying is completely useless and solves nothing. BH my children don't cry unless they are infants who need a feeding etc. because I don't know how I'd deal with that personality before the age of reason when you can teach them how irrational crying is. It doesn't solve problems, doesn't make you gain experience, doesn't offer solutions, is not appealing, etc.

Zehava

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 3:03 pm

nchr wrote:

Ouch ouch ouch ouch!!!

bigsis144

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 3:05 pm

I’ve cried at movies/songs/shows since I was a little kid. Some stories I don’t even remember - apparently young bigsis stood up in a crowded movie theater at a screening of Free Willy, sobbing and screaming “go for it!!” when the titular orca escapes into the ocean. 😂 I couldn’t have been older than 6 or 7?

I have different fictional triggers now that I’m a mom - I can’t deal with kids being in danger, and movies like Finding Nemo/Finding Dory leave me a weeping, snot-nosed mess when parents are reunited with their children. (My kids think I’m sooo embarrassing...)

I tend to cry more at night than during the day (I definitely feel all emotions more intensely when I’m sleep deprived). I usually keep a good lid on my feelings in public, though.

It’s a chicken-egg thing with my affinity for theater - did I become an actress/director/drama teacher because I feel emotions strongly, or did my early exposure to the performing arts hone that part of my personality?

thunderstorm

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 3:08 pm

nchr wrote:

This post makes me so sad. Crying is good for you. When I can’t cry , is when I know that I am emotionally blocked somewhere and I need to work on it. Your children should have the choice to cry or not to and if you shame them and teach them that crying is something to be ashamed of this can cause major issues for them down the line. But you do you and I’ll do me and I won’t judge you. I just don’t relate to your point of view .