I am so disgusted and upset!!!

amother

Wed, Jan 05 2011, 8:00 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

Oh and of course I don't find her disgusting..I find the situation with that boy disgusting. I try to keep lines of communication open between us but for some reason she feels compelled to lie about things. In order to get her to tell me the truth about something text related I started asking her friend.
Oh on top of all of this...she just started her monthly period a week or 2 ago.... Confused

I'm sure we will get through this...I just need to find my footing.

I think asking her friend is a terrible terrible move. Your daughter will lose trust in you (and she WILL find out), and it can rupture your relationship with her beyond repair. Not to mention that you're being unfair to her friend who must feel so torn about this. Your daughter will feel betrayed not only by you, but by her friend as well.

I also want to say that from what you've written I'm not surprised that she tries to hide things from you. A fire and brimstone approach is not something a 12 year old will pull towards. It seems to me from your reactions that she feels invalidated and that you really don't get it. It seems like you're pushing her to lie.

I told her I would ask her friend...I wasn't sneaking to ask her. And I never did speak to her friend because she "fessed up" about what I was asking her. (btw I had typed something to her friend on FB that is how I was going to ask her...I never sent the message to the friend and the friend had no idea that I was going to ask her)
Also, where is there fire and brimstone in my post? I came here and posted as an upset mother...I never yelled at her or did anything but ask her to tell me what was going on and to tell me the truth.

life'sgreat

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 9:19 am

amother wrote:

Telling her you'll ask her friend is basically backing her into a corner. I am really not the expert but can only say that with a teen, such reactions are most likely going to backfire. I think it would be a good idea to discuss this with a mechanech that understands your family dynamics.

amother

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 8:38 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

Well, it may not have been right but I needed the truth and nothing else was getting it out of her. I can only do what I can do....I don't know what a mechanech is...a family counselor? I am not sure anyone would understand our family dynamics.