S/o socially awkward

amother

Magenta

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 8:09 am

why do the so called neurotypical get to decide what is ok and what is off?

maybe in the olam ha emet we will all learn that sitting around making small talk about the weather is the ultimate "off", and spending hours and hours talking about science or Torah or whatever was a far better thing to be doing. or maybe the person who sits in the corner not engaging in your idle talk is actually cintemplatating the deep mysteries of the universe while you wasting your precious time on this earth discussing the best place to get your nails done and you think you are so much better than her. Well maybe everyone is in for a big big surprise

amother

Rose

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 8:28 am

amother wrote:

I think your possibly mixing up 2 different things. If your point is that perhaps being socially awkward is actually a blessing because it likely leads to less wasting time and less loshon hara, I agree. Although you can make this extreme argument with anything. Is being blind a blessing since such a person will never look at anything inappropriate? I always thought of the word awkward to mean an uncomfortable feeling, a bad feeling. If you dread going to a wedding because you don't know anyone that well and you are scared you will have no one to talk to, that's a bad feeling. A person who is confidant socially might not worry about it because they figure they will just wing it as they know they are good at it. I don't see how you can say that sitting on the side fidgeting and feeling weird is really a good thing.

amother

Gold

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 8:28 am

I'm probably what people call socialy awkward. That thread was so painful to read as if I'm some defective breed. Sadly I don't have good friends and feel lonely a lot. I'm very careful not to say or do anything that hurt people. But conversations are hard for me. Thanks for posting this thread.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 8:29 am

amother wrote:

Social norms exist for a reason. Hashem made the world that social norms are healthy and enable people to communicate better.

Socially awkward people aren't bad. It's just a challenge similar to dyslexia or an inability to do math that means that things most people can do easily are a challenge.

amother

Gold

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 8:31 am

amother wrote:

Maybe I wouldn't sit on the side and fidget if the so called normal people were more warm and accepting.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 8:45 am

amother wrote:

And dont marry someone supposedly neurotypical, pretending that you understand social norms and relationship norms.

What does this even mean?

Guess what guys- autism is becoming more and more prevalent. When yof NTs a not the majority any more, you won't be "normal". So then maybe the world will change to reflect the new normal. And you will sit in the corner figeting while we discuss high level maths or movies you havent seen or the latest developments in the periodic table , and we can say how weird you are because after half an hour you interrupt something really interesting to say something as meaningless and untruthful as "nice seeing you, must go now because the babysitter called."

amother

Magenta

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 8:47 am

amother wrote:

Yes that thread upset me a lot as well.

Feel good!

We are NOT DEFECTIVE.

amother

Rose

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 8:50 am

amother wrote:

Oh so now the NTs think that they know Hashem better? Well for the record the Lubavitcher Rebbe is on record as saying that autistic people may have a hard time relating to other people, but they at much much closer to G-d.

What's your point? And deaf people never hear loshon hara and crippled people can't run to do aveiros. Let's accept that autistic people are closer to hashem. Would you daven for autistic children?

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 9:58 am

amother wrote:

Yes that thread upset me a lot as well.

Feel good!

We are NOT DEFECTIVE.

Hashem made variations on normal minds. It doesn't mean you're defective. It does mean that normal human relationship and social networking and community building might be more difficult for you.

Saying that normal people are crazy might make you feel better temporarily.

but working on your social skills and practicing them will give you more happiness long term then retreating into yourself.

This is a tough love post so I'm going amother. For context I worked on improving my social skills and now pass as normal. And I have tons of aspie and hfa relatives.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 10:01 am

amother wrote:

Some of us don’t want to be “normal” and prefer being quirky. I would feel like a failure to pass as normal in a social setting. 🙂

Iymnok

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 10:06 am

amother wrote:

I don’t see love here, tough or otherwise. She did not call anyone else crazy.
Her social skills are probably fine. YOU just have to be sensitive to others and accept that their social interactions differ from yours.

Though it is worth learning how to interact socially in the society in which you live. (Chareidi Israeli is very different than the OOT US where I grew up.)

ra_mom

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 10:07 am

I feel bad that the thread hurt you. That was not the intention at all. Descriptions and labels are only helpful when looking for answers to identify issues with the intention of finding a path for help. To me it looked like OP was looking for answers to help a child. Many moms here find help for their children this way.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 10:09 am

Iymnok wrote:

Im also respond to the other lady who said that NT people will become abnormal.

crust

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 10:25 am

ra_mom wrote:

I thought that thread was about setting up a shidduch.

No one is better or worse and I don't think anyone said that on that thread.

I think the Rambam was smart enough for everyone. He said everyone should marry their type. It's that simple.

crust

Sun, Dec 30 2018, 10:30 am

amother wrote:

Some of us don’t want to be “normal” and prefer being quirky. I would feel like a failure to pass as normal in a social setting. 🙂

I'm not following.
In a previous post you agreed that if people would accept you you would be less squirmy.

Here you are saying you want to be quirky.

How does one post reconcile with the other?
And after you say you prefer being quirky, why would I believe that you aren't getting the kicks out of getting on someone's nerves?

Its so confusing to me. Please explain.